smitchmo

The worst part is, that this is all truly my fault. He will never call, he will never come to me, and when he thinks of me, it will only be in anger.

I have done stupid, terrible things, and it is all over now.

lament

The two of us, we live in a place that is not a place. And when we talk, it's about a life that we don't have. And when you touch me, you are not touching a real person. When I leave that place, I look different and I feel different, but if I could live in that place forever, I would.

the honest truth

I am leaving soon, and there is no one there that will know me. I have my coat and my shoes and my integrity to pack with me. It is possible that everyone will forget me when I am gone, but it is more possible that I just won't ever come back.

about yourself.

I have a whole life that stretches out in the distance, and it gets blurrier and blurrier as it vanishes into the future. It hurts my eyes to look at something so bright, and they water all too often. I want to vomit about all the times I have imagined you in that future, because I need to expel those images from my body like a sickness.

My heart is dying.

tingletinglemmmred nail polish on fingersooorub face softly and run trembling fingers through floating hairheheskin is like butter and creammmmgoosebumps and everything elseoh godrolling on the grass laughingaaahorange popsicles and bright pink flaming lipsmoansugar dripping over skinsigharched back lying on the pokey carpet alonemmm yessmotheringly hot airgasppiercing cold ice running over skinoh godwater dripping all over stomach, cold droplets like daggersoh godeyes rolling backwards and seeing brains and dancing thoughtsoh godracing heart explodes and dissolves into pure pleasureoh godburst of light behind lolling eyes and smiling faceoh godtrembling, shaking, tingling, wet bodyoh god pleasecool striped sheets and an hour of sleep

note:

i don't want to be too explicit because it ruins this post. i would like to say, however, that everything that is here is exactly as i felt, and probably in that order. who knew that an ice cube running over your skin could make you feel like you were having a orgasm for three hours.

i am suprised at the reaction i got from most people after telling them about my experience. it was not a postive one.